Side Effects May Include
by Avada Cait-davra
Summary: Remus is getting married, and Sirius isn't very happy about it. Better than it sounds, I promise. RR. rated T to be safe. Flames welcome.


Alright, this is my first attempt at this. Remus is getting married, and Sirius isnt very happy. Its a lot better than it sounds. Please review!! xD

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the song, and all of that.

Side Effects May Include

_And I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you._

Sirius tightened his white tie over his black tux and looked himself over in the mirror. He sighed. He'd like nothing more than to hang himself the stupid peice of cloth and break his neck. At least then he wouldn't have to go through today.

"Today's the day. Today's the damn day."

Sirius hadn't been sober much since the stag party. He couldn't stand his thoughts if there wasn't a good amount of fire whiskey in his system. They alway drifted to him. And Sirius couldn't take that.

He leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the mirror and felt his eyes begin to feel moist. He swallowed hard and scolded himself.

"No. Oh my God. Stop crying. Stop beng such a baby."

A tear sprung from his left eye and fell on the carpet, creating a small wet mark on the carpet. A knock on the door brought Sirius sharply out of his thoughts.

"Sirius! Cmon!" one Weasley twin yelled, he couldn't tell which one.

"Get your arse out here! You'll be late!" The other screamed. Sirius walked across his room and opened the door,

"You are his best man!" George said as they ran down the hall into more of the wedding chaos. Sirius wasn't in the mood. He didn't want to this wedding, see him get married, see him get forever taken out his life the way he wanted him there.

And Remus didn't know.

And never would.

Fourth Year. It was fourth year when he realized he was in love with a wolf, his best friend. He'd had plently of chances, and backed out every time. Now, there was no more time, no more chances.

Sirius was walking slowly down the hall trying to put this off as long as he could. He honestly didn't know how he was going to react when Remus was actually, finally, completely, all the way married. Eternally tied to some one that wasn't him.

"Hey!" some one said from behind him. Arthor Weasley came into veiw.

"Hi." Sirius said, wishing he'd stop sounding so depressed.

"You sound nervous."

"Yeah."

"Don't worry, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty." Arthur smiled.

"DAD!" Ron yelled from the next room over.

"I'd better go see what the problem is. It'll be okay, Sirius." Arthur said with a hand on his shoulder as he disappeared into Ron's room.

'All I have to do is sit there and watch the one I love get married. Nothing to worry about.' Sirius thought bitterly.

As he made his way to the end of the hall and the stairs, the last door opened and Harry emerged from it, also in a suit with a white tie.

"Hey Sirius. Excited?" Harry asked.

"Sure."

"Are you okay, Siri?"

"I'm fine. Lovely." Sirius answered.

"Cmon, I'm not blind. Something's bothering you. What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I'm just...um, nervous.

"Oh." Harry said. "There's nothing to worry about."

"Mm. So I've been told."

He and Harry began to descend the stairs together, Harry still not convinced nothing was wrong with Sirius, but knew he'd never tell what it was. He never met anyone more complicated.

All too soon, they were at the church, outside on the sidewalk, Mrs. Weasley fussing over her boy's suits; straightening their ties, flattening the colics of their hair. She made his way over to Sirius, smoothing out his coat, babbling furiously.

"I'm so excited, Sirius! I can't believe he's getting married! Your his best man, oh you look positively dashing. This is so exciting, a wedding! Aren't you excited?!"

"Mm. Yes, exstatic."

"You should just see Nymphadora! Oh, Merlin it's gorgeous. Her and Remus, oh they are so adorable together."

Sirius closed his eyes and jerked his coat out of Molly's hands. He didn't want to see them together. To picture them off in Albania on a honeymoon,..Tonks coming home pregnant. His eyes started to prickle and he dug his fingernails into his palms, leaving red stinging half moons on his hands.

"Siri..." a soft voice said. Sirius opened his eyes and saw Harry standing next to him, a hand on his shoulder. "We need to go in now."

Sirius didn't say a word, but followed his godson inside. He was standing there already, in front of the altar. He was wearing a white suit and black tie, opposite his groom's men, a red flower pinned to his chest. Sirius couldn't breathe. He had never seen Remus so beautiful in his life. He had to concentrate in his feet so as he wouldn't forget to walk as he recalled how to inhale.

He took his place next to Remus at the head of the line of men: Arthur, Madeye, Ron, Fred and George. Remus looked at Sirius and flashed him a huge nervous grin. His teeth gleamed in the stained glass light of the chappel. Sirius forgot how to breathe all over again and sent Remus back an expression that didn't quite have a name- something between sorrow and complete happiness,

Sooner than Sirius wanted, the organ started to play the wedding march, but for all the greif it was causing him, it might as well have been the funeral march. Tonks marched down the aisle with uncharacteristic grace. Molly was right- she was gorgeous. Her wedding dress- white and flowing with slight purple highlights, brought out by a shock of purple hair. She was too beautiful. What made Sirius think Remus would want him when he could have some one like Tonks.

She was next to Remus, her father close to Sirius. Harry then came down the aisle with a purple pillow holding the rings; simple yet ornate. Sirius found himself longing one was going on his hand.

Sirius found himself staring at Remus, losing himself in his warm brown eyes, two melted pools of milk chocolate. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to look at them again, not in the same way after...after this.

The vows began.

"Nymphadora Tonks, do you take Remus Lupin to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold..."

Sirius remembered a time in fifth year when Remus was caught outside in a thunderstorm and Sirius was there holding Remus in his arms to keep him dry on the way to class.

"For richer and for poorer."

Sirius remembered a time in late fourth year on a trip to Hogsmeade. They were in Honeydukes and Remus didn't have any money. Sirius secretly bought him a bar of his favorite chocolate and left it on his pillow. He never told him it was from him.

"In sickness and in health."

Sirius remembered a time in the middle of sixth year, after a transformation that was particularly horrible on Remus. While the other boys went to explore with the Marauder's Map and cause havoc on Snape, Sirius stayed behind with Remus, to make sure he was okay.

"As long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Tonks said.

The vows were repeated for Remus and Sirius again closed his eyes. He concentrated on not moving, on remembering to breathe, on not saying anything.

"I do." Remus said.

The priest nodded. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Remus placed his ring on Tonks's finger and she did the same to Remus. The priest then turned to the people gathered there, and said.

"If anyone has any reason these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Sirius closed his eyes tighter and bit his tongue. 'Some one say something. Now. Please. Some one stand up and say something! Anything...please.'

Silence.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Sirius opened his eyes. He realized he was crying; much too hard for a wedding. As Remus kissed her, tears silently coarsed down Sirius's cheeks. It was like watching a car crash- completely horrible, but impossible not to watch.

Sirius wanted it to be over. He wanted to leave and go home and never talk to anyone ever again. He never wanted to see him again. He didn't want to put himself through that torture.

As soon as Sirius realized he was out of the church, he was standing outside the reception hall. He walked numbly into the room, vaguely aware of the pressure building between his eyes.

Immediately, Sirius was attacked by party goers, trying to shove alcohol into his hand and down his throat. Sirius threw them all away from him, a little harshly, a growl forming in his throat. He fought his way through the drunk, dancing crowd and sat at a secluded table, with a small glass of fire whiskey clutched in his fist. He hid behind the flashing lights, beneath the thumping bass of the music. He wanted to go home, but couldn't think of a way to escape without being noticed.

He stared at the table, trying to lose himself in the flickering reflection of the lights on the shiny black surface. He took a tentative sip of his fire whiskey, trying to decide if he wanted to stay sober tonight. He looked up at the thirty or more people dancing and having a good time. Sirius wanted to go out there and party with them- he couldn't remember a time when he had been to a party and was not in the center of the action. But he could not find it in himself to get up from his table.

The music shifted to a slower song, a ballad, and Remus stepped on to the middle of the floor, leading Tonks out with him; their first dance as a married couple- husband and wife. Sirius thought for the second time that night that Remus looked beautiful. More suitable for Tonks than him. No, Nymphadora. She couldn't be called Tonks anymore.

They swayed and glided in time with the music, Nymphadora again with unusual grace. Sirius watched Remus moving flawlessly along the glossy floor. He didn't even see Harry come to stand beside him until he tapped Sirius on the shoulder.

"Oh, hi Harry."

"Hey, Sirius. Look at them, Isn't it wonderful?" Harry asked.

Sirius made an odd noise, something that couldn't be considered a yes or a no.

"Sirius." Harry looked his godfather straight in the eyes. "Are. You. Okay."

Sirius broke eye contact and shook his head, strangling a sob as a fresh wave of grief washed over him. Harry's eyes flickered with concern.

"You wanna talk about it?" Harry asked.

Sirius's eyes floated back to where Remus was finishing his dance and shook his head furiously. He couldn't tell Harry that he loved...no, that was rediculous.

Ron bounded over to Harry and grabbed his elbow, trying to pull him away into the dance floor.

"Cmon! Ginny and Hermione want to dance!" He said as he yanked on Harry's arm.

"Sirius-"

"It's fine, Harry. Go have fun." Sirius said as the redhead dragged his godson away.

Sirius stood back and watched everyone having a good time. People laughing and dancing and joking with one another. Sirius wanted to cry all over again. He wished he had his fire whiskey. Sirius decided he was going to head back to his and drink as much - if not more- fire whiskey his blood could handle. Maybe he'd just die that way...

On his way back to the table, Remus started to make his way toward Sirius. Sirius looked away from the werewolf, trying to avoid him again.

"Hey! Siri!" he yelled. Sirius tried to ignore his calls and kept going. "Padfoot!"\

Sirius stopped when he reached his table, and turned around to find Remus right behind him. He extended his arms and enclosed Sirius in a drunken embrace. Sirius felt butterflies rise in his stomach; then felt as though his stomach had dropped to the floor when he realized that it meant nothing at all to Remus.

Sirius stood; limply, numbly; waiting for Remus to let go of him. Sirius didn't return the gesture, but kept his arms plastered to his sides. Remus stepped back and Sirius let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Wow, Siri. This is the most fun I've had since our days at Hogwarts."

"Mm. Yeah." Sirius said. He wanted Remus to leave. He wasn't sure how long he could stand looking at him. Remus laughed drunkenly and wrapped an arm roughly around Sirius's shoulders.

"My God, Siri! Isn't this just amazing?! Isn't she perfect?" Remus looked at Tonks who was talking to her father across the room.

Sirius didn't say anything. He couldn't. He didn't know where his voice went. The fact was she was perfect- too perfect.

"Sirius, what's the matter? Why aren't you happy?"

Sirius snapped.

"Remus!" he yelled Some people looked over. "I'm not happy! I'm not having fun!"

Sirius's voice raised an octave each sentence. Now almost everyone was looking. Tonks came over.

"You!" Sirius screamed at her. "You took him from me!"

"Sirius, calm down." Nymphadora said, a little nervously.

"What are you on about?" Remus asked.

"You never realized!" Sirius's voice was getting quieter now. "You never even realized."

"Realized what, Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius looked up at Remus through his eyelashes, a miserable smile on his face.

"Remus, I love you."

Remus just looked at him, as did everyone else in the room.

"Oh." was all Remus could manage to say before he walked away.

Sirius felt the moisture rising in his eyes as he reached for the fire whiskey and threw it back in one swallow.

Remus walked slowly across the crowded room. aiming for the doors. A look of shock was plastered on his face. Nymphadora was behind him, he could tell, but he kept going. He needed to get out of there.

His wedding- wasn't that supposed to be the happiest night of his life? Why didn't anything ever work out for Remus? His childhood ruined by that cursed bite, his wedding night ruined by his best friend telling him...

He didn't want to think it.

Telling him the words he always wanted to hear.

He was outside now, the crisp air lit by a sliver of the moon.

"Rem!" she desperately called.

"Leave me alone, Nymphadora!"

"Remus, love, it'll be okay, I promise-"

Remus turned around and carefully stressed each word. "Leave. Me. Alone."

Nymphadora stood with tears in her eyes and gave him a quick hug before retreating inside. Remus fell onto the steps of the buidling, took off his suit coat and held it in his hands. He didn't understand what he was feeling.

Why was he sad that Sirius didn't tell him before now? Why was he mad at himself for not telling Sirius that he, at one point, felt the same way? And why the hell did he feel those feelings creeping back into his veins? He was married now, damn it!

But could he really deny that he had always had feelings for the falsely accused murderer? The truth was, he couldn't. During his Hogwarts years, Remus had spent countless nights up with Sirius- both plagued with nightmares of their past- only to wake up the next day in the same four poster the next day. So many chances... so many times either of them could have placed an innocent tentative kiss on the other one's cheek- just to see how things would turn out. And neither of them did.

And Sirius had always been there for Remus- when almost everyone else shied away when they learned what he was. But not Siri; he was there during the worst changes- and after with chocolate in his hands.

Remus cursed under his breath. How could he have been so stupid? Sirius probably hated him now, for just walking away and not saying anything. But he couldn't- he didn't know how to react.

He had tried to keep his hope in Sirius, but it had started to drift away after Sirius went to Azkaban. Even by the time he came back, Remus was seeing Tonks and that was the end of that- or so he thought. He never imagined Sirius ever felt like that toward him. He never even imagined this could be possible.

He twisted his coat in his hands, realizing the hopelessness of the situation. What was he going to do about Tonks? He couldn't just walk up to her and say "Tonks, just kidding- I don't want to marry you."

Remus sighed.

Back inside, Sirius sat at his table, empty glasses haphazardly strewn around it. Harry sat next to him, trying desperately, unsuccessfully to console his godfather. Fred and George sat with him, attempting to aid Harry. Sirius didn't want anything to do with it. All he wanted was to feel the sting of the fire whiskey as it hit his tongue and rolled down his throat. He needed to forget.

Everyone else hung back awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. Some people left, feeling out of place and in the way. Sirius was still crying, tear tracks dried on his face. He didn't even care, the fire whiskey took care of that.

"Sirius..." Harry ventured "It'll be okay. Do you want Remus to come talk to you? I could go get him-"

" 'Arry, lemme 'lone." Sirius slurred, he was far beyond drunk.

"Cmon, Padfoot." George said.

"It's his loss, really." Fred finished.

Sirius laughed scornfully.

It started to rain outside, drenching Remus to the core. He didn't move, he couldn't go back inside. He heard the doors behind him slam open and twisted to see who was leaving, Sirius stumbled out and staggered down the steps, almost tripping over Remus, but not stopping.

"Sirius!" Remus called. "Siri?"

Either the sound of the rain swallowed his voice, or Sirius didn't care to turn. He Apparated on the spot and was gone.

"Siri, I love you too." Remus whispered. He sat still in the rain as the tears fell and a crack of thunder sounded in the distance and lightning lit up the sky.

He never saw Sirius again.

--

Thanks for reading!! I really hope you liked it. I would like to thank Sarah for giving me the wedding vows, and Alex for the line "sit there and look pretty." xD

Please review, flames are welcome. Tell me what you think, critism appreciated too. I live for reviews!!


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